


Why it is so difficult?

by Moonlight2211



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, Changki rise ♡, Confessions, M/M, Other members are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:25:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9661250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlight2211/pseuds/Moonlight2211
Summary: ☆~“Kihyun Hyung, I like you”“Eh?”“I like you, I really really really like you, I like you so much, you don’t know how much” – Changkyun repeats – “I know you could feel strange about me but, I’m working on it”“Working on what?”“In not like you anymore” ~☆





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~♡♡ Other Changki story ♡ but it used to be hyungkyun ^^♡~ hope you like ♡ anyway this is set pre-dramarama

Changkyun noticed something during their 1st solo concert, that day he can't hold his tears back and right there, in the middle of a big crowd he cried. Kihyun, who rarely shows affection and rarely likes skinship, was the first one who came to his side and embrace him into his arms, oh those slims arms! They felt as home. That day was the first time he noticed his heart beating faster for his hamster-like member. But it didn't stop there, during ASC when a fan asked them to act again their scence in  _all in_ MV, he thought it could be okay, but he was so close, their faces few milimeters away joined by their foreheads and his lips, oh his lips! So rosy, so pretty, so kissable, Changkyun forgot they were in national TV and lean on, sadly (or thankfully) Kihyun reacted fast and moved away. The way Kihyun was always the first person he saw every morning and the last one when both were lying in their beds and the younger turned around to check on him, those big and little moments, small touches showing his desire but hiding under the excuse of "fanservice" all that just made his past 2 years more difficult, knowing he can touch him bit not in the way he wanted. 

  
He realized he felt something different for Kihyun at the end of 2015, when he couldn’t perform with the rest thanks to his surgery in his leg, during the whole time he just thought about only a thing, Kihyun and more Kihyun, about his pretty pale face, about his thin but really good body, about his non-sound laugh, about his hand and his arms he usually wrap around his shoulders, about his hold when the only thing Changkyun wanted was run away, about his comforting words he said when Changkyun was feeling down, about his warm chest he uses as pillow when Changkyun was tired or sad and Kihyun let him cuddled with him, about his legs and extremely comfy lap he let Changkyun use when he's tired. But even knowing all that Changkyun only accepted he liked Kihyun in a very romantic-gay way at the middle of 2016.

Changkyun knew very well he can't talk about his feelings for Kihyun, much less try to confess; he was scared his hyung would ignore him, reject him, ruin the mood into the group, he probably won't want to talk with him again if he confess.

Changkyun didn't know what could be more painful for him, having Kihyun around without any clue about what was happening in Changkyun’s mind, while he keeps hugging him and spoiling him or confess and risk their friendship for the rest of their career.

  
Changkyun decided to take a break from his feeling. They were having a comeback in few weeks and they just finished their world tour. He can’t focus with his head full of Kihyun all the time, he needed to write lyrics for their songs and every little word he wrote end with a thought about their main vocalist, about how he wanted to throw all away and only confess to him, hug him and kiss him in the way he really wanted. all that was written in their songs.

Jooheon was a lot of things but stupid wasn't one of them, he knew something was happening with their maknae and he was not giving up until he finds it.

  
“Hey Kyun-ah” – Jooheon decided to ask him directly while they were still in the studio- “I just noticed this, but, do you like someone?”

  
Changkyun’s cute cheeks turned a pretty shade of red - “No Hyung!” – Changkyun denied completely but the elder rapper shook his head, not believing a single word– “What makes you think that?”

  
“Changkyun, I’m not stupid” – Jooheon until felt offended – “I know him right?” – that was not a question at all; he knew everything – “Is Kihyun Hyung?”

  
Changkyun's gaze was as a scolded puppy silently asking him to not tell to anyone else - “I’m not going to say anything you know” - Changkyun let go the breath he didn’t know he was holding – “But if you say to him the things you wrote in the songs I’m sure he can’t reject you”- He was almost embarrassed, were his lyrics so bad? With only reading them, Jooheon realized everything,

  
“I can’t” – That was all Changkyun said and tried to change the topic quickly – “Do you think I need to rewrite everything?”

  
“No” – Jooheon rejected totally his suggestion, not letting a chance to complain - “Those lyrics are your feelings and what you feel for him is really beautiful”

  
Changkyun felt really embarrassed, he can’t deny his lyrics was for him but until the point Jooheon realized then everyone could too and Kihyun was one of the smartest in the group. But it was not the case, after Hyungwon, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk read them, nobody realized (or nobody said anything at least), so he was more relaxed about that.

  
He knew he needed to do something about his feelings, so he decided to avoid him as the plague, at least until he can control himself but the change was extremely big that everyone realized something was wrong. When Kihyun tried to touch him or when he tried to hold his hand Changkyun moved away, he didn’t try to start a conversation with him at all, he didn’t lay on his bed anymore, when they were watching TV, Changkyun excused himself and went to his bedroom to lock inside, he tried to focus more in his job, letting the house early and coming back late, just to eat dinner, take a bath and sleep.

  
The rest of the members were surprised with the change in Changkyun's aptitude, all, even Kihyun, they thought he was stressed for the comeback at first but it was not like it was their first one, maybe he was feeling preasure for their extremely packed schedule? But they've always been totally busy before, nothing explain Changkyun’s change.

Kihyun acted as if he didn’t care but actually it hurt at a lot, especially when seemed like Changkyun was only avoiding him, he still talks with the rest, he still played with Minhyuk and Hyungwon and cuddled with Hoseok and Jooheon, but when Kihyun was around he changed, rarely replied the “good mornings” and he didn’t even look at him in the eyes.

Kihyun felt as if he did something wrong to him, something to hurt him, something to piss him off but he didn’t know what, so he can’t apologize either. It would be a lie if someone say he didn't try to talk with him but all the time Changkyun ran away.Kihyun was sick of Changkyun’s aptitude at some point

  
Kihyun pinned him into a wall and himself a day when he felt he was _too_  tired of this situation, an arm at each side of Changkyun so he wouldn't dare to run away - “Hey Hyung” – that was all Changkyun can verbalize after realized he was in real troubles this time.

  
“What’s wrong with you Changkyun?” – Kihyun asked after a few seconds of silence, just analizing his face.

  
“What are talking about Ki Hyung? -Changkyun wasn't meeting his eyes, so obvious he was lying or at least hiding something.

  
“Why are you avoiding me?” – Changkyun didn't say anything – “Did I do something wrong? Tell me and then I can apologize with you or change whatever is botheting you”

  
“You didn’t do anything wrong Hyung”

  
“Then, Why?” – Changkyun again chose close him mouth before he said something he would regret later.

  
“I’m not stupid Changkyun” – Kihyun's hands cups his face and forced him to look up at his eyes – “Tell me why”

  
“Hyung” – Changkyun blushed for the sudden contact – “When I’m ready, I'll tell you everything but right now let me alone”

  
Changkyun pushed Kihyun away and run until his bedroom, letting the grayish haired with more questions than answers, that day Changkyun hid for the rest of the day and didn’t eat dinner either. 

  
The next day they were free but Changkyun was planning to work anyway, he woke up early as he did for the last two weeks and prepared something to eat with Jooheon - Who was just arriving to their dorm - before Kihyun got up but surprising both of them, Kihyun was also awake and sitting in the table drinking a cup of  coffe and breakfast ready. 

  
“It’s a miracle you’re awake already Hyung" - Jooheon said truly surprised.

  
“I have something I want to do” – Kihyun replied, not even caring about the youngest two at all.

  
“Do you have a date?” – Changkyun freeze for Jooheon's question, getting curious as well. 

  
“None of your business” – neither Jooheon nor Changkyun asked anymore.

  
That day, since they were free, some of them decided to visit his parents or friends, but not Changkyun, he went straight to the company.

  
“Hyung” – Changkyun said after notice an uninvited follower – “You don’t need to come with me”

  
“I can do whatever I want” – Changkyun didn’t say anything else and just let him follow him.

  
“What do you do all the day?” – Kihyun asked when they arrived to the company greeting some juniors and trainees. 

  
“Nothing much, write some lyrics, practice my dance, my rap” - He explained as he went to his studio. 

“Actually That sounds really boring”

“You can leave if you want” – But he didn’t, it was just noon and seemed as it could be a bad day for Changkyun.

Actually, it was a bad day for the younger as he thought it could be, he didn’t concentrate _at all,_ his rap teacher noticed he couldn’t focus during his lesson and asked him to rest a little bit, that he was probably tired. Even when he was writing, Kihyun was in the chair next to him, singing a song he knew he liked a lot, so his head was a disaster.

  
“You know” – Kihyun finally said something after at least 2 hours of awkward silence– “These lyrics are really beautiful”

  
Changkyun nodded but didn't hide his happinnes – “Thank you Hyung”

  
“Did you write this for someone?” – Changkyun blushed – “Do you like someone right? That’s why you’re distracted all the time”

  
Changkyun didn’t say anything, actually he can't because suddenly he was shaking - “You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to”- Kihyun didn’t ask anymore 

“Changkyun-ah” – Kihyun said again – “You’re in the same phrase for over an hour”

“Yes, I can’t concentrate today” -

“It’s because of me?” – He was just joking but what he said was completely right, he was the reason he can't concetrate... never.

“Probably” – There’s a silence for few seconds, the mood around them turning heavy and uncomfortable.

“Who is the person you like Changkyun-ah?” - Kihyun moved his chair closer to him, too close, almost touching- “I think we know the answer”

Changkyun was nervous, red and a mess in his brain, his mouth working faster than his brain

“Do you like….” - Kihyun started but the younger interrumpted.

"Hyungwon... I like Hyungwon"

~♡~

  
For the rest of the day Kihyun didn’t’ say anything else, say he was surprised its short, he was in shock for Changkyun’s answer! he was almost sure Changkyun liked him or at least that was what he wanted but he liked that frog - "Stupid brat you should confess to him, it’s bothersome have you in the dorm acting like a teenager in love"-  that was all Kihyun said for the rest of the day but he was still curious why Changkyun was avoiding him.

  
Changkyun felt like an idiot, he could confess to him right there but instead he lied, and Hyungwon? Really? He only looked at him as his bro. Kihyun didn’t say anything else after that, probably he was shocked, Changkyun blame his tiredness, his mouth, his brain but he knew he did something totally stupid.

  
It was late, around 11pm, when they left the company or tried, it was raining, so hard that they couldn’t give a step out of the building, they thought about calling their manager to pick them up but they didn't have their phone with them so the only option was wait in the company until they can walk until their dorm. It was already late so almost all the company was empty too so they can't ask for anyone to help. 

“Then, if you like Hyungwon...” – Changkyun froze - “Why are you avoiding me?”

“Hyung…” –

“Listen, I understand you don’t want to talk about this but it hurts you know” – Changkyun didn't say anything- “You need to tell me what I did wrong, it’s really hurtful to me, sometimes… I miss you too” – Kihyun seemed like he was about to cry, when Changkyun decided to ignore him he thought Kihyun wouldn't care but actually he was hurting the person he likes the most.

  
“Hyung” – Changkyun decides, he can’t hold it anymore- “I don’t like Hyungwon”

“You don’t need to lie to me Changkyun” – the main vocalist was kinda salty and did anythig to hide it.

  
“I’m not lying” – Changkyun took all the courage he didn't know he has and stood in front of his beloved, looking directly at the eyes - “Kihyun Hyung, I like you”

“Eh?”

“I like you, I really really really like you, I like you so much, you don’t know how much” – Changkyun repeated as clear as he could even when he was shaking and about to faint – “I know you could feel strange about me but, I’m working on it”

“Working on what?”

“In not like you anymore” – Changkyun was not the type to cry, he only let the other see him cry twice but now he felt his heart hurting and tears forming in his eyes.

“Why?” – The expression on Kihyun's face confused Changkyun as hell.

“Because I don’t want you hate me”

“Changkyun-ah” – his voice was so soft, so relaxing– “Have you ever thought about _my_ feelings?”

“No” – Kihyun sighes shaking his head. 

  
“I think I like you too” 

“Eh?”-

“I already said it, and I’m not going to repeat it” - Changkyun was surprised, he pictured every possible answer but in any of them he thought Kihyun could feel the same as him.

  
“Hey, say something” – Changkyun couldn’t even if he wanted to – “Then… are we dating?”

  
“Do you want to date me?!” – Kihyun smiled for his surprised face, 'so cute' he thought. 

“Of course!”  

“Then… Can I kiss you?” – It was time to Kihyun to blush, so prettily and cute.

“I hope you don’t ask me every time you want a kiss” – The elder came closer to peck his forehead and then finally kiss his lips. The kiss was sweet and soft, just like him even if he tried to hide it, that was why Changkyun felt in love of him. Kihyun hold his hips and pulled him closer as the younger wrapped his slim arms around the vocalist's neck tittling his head to deep the kiss.

“Coff coff” – The sound almost gave them a heart attack and separate immediately - “I was worried about you two but I guess you’re extremely fine without me here” – The voice of their manager, so familiar, but in that moment they hate it

“Let’s go home, it’s late” - They walked until the car in silence but holding hands, probably one of the happiest moments Changkyun has since he joined to Monsta x and even when they wait for someone scold them, nobody did it, all the members and manager already knew everything for long long long time ago~♡

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for read it ♡


End file.
